i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
