I swear god or herbie drove my car home
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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