how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
