What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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