The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
