If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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