i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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