apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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