I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
