My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
