the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
