wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
