Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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