I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
