with your own penis?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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