My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize