Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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