Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
