I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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