will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
