those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
