yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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