The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
