I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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