My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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