The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
