3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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