sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
