Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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