All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
