Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
