Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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