You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
