I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
