i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
