In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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