Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
