i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
