woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
