After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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