Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
