Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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