Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
