the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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