I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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