Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
