she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
