I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
