dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
