C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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