So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
