May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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