He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
