S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
