I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
