C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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