I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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