i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
