Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
