we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
