Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
