I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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