I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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