So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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