Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
even my farts smell like vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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