Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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