...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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