May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
