Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
