you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I lost the right to judge tonight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
