everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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