I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I want is dick and wine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
