She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
