if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
