not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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