Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
