The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
