so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
