Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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