I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
