Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
