she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
