id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i think i just lost a toe
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
