she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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