are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
