He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
false alarm. still invincible.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
