I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
