He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
